Lost. That’s how I feel. The best word I can think of that describes my heart right now.

I know many folks that read my ramblings or look at the photos I snap are professional relationships only. But there are also lots of personal friends and family.

So today I write from my heart…for both of you.

Not because I want to, but because I have to. You see, I have learned in an extremely painful way the results of living with walls. With masks. Without being real. Without living from my heart…the very core of who I was created to be. It has left me broken in a way I never experienced before. I want to make a vow that never ever again will I believe that it is safer or easier or better in any way to live without being real. But I know that making a vow is not where it is at…I just need to be. And to be honest, I am not sure what that even means.

At times picking up the pieces feels overwhelming….impossible. But then I remember it’s not up to me or anybody else. God will take it from here.

So for now I will be. Just be. No fight left. Today it involved my boys, a photo shoot, and answering emails. But I will listen to my heart in the midst of life. Listening to my heart is real life, after all. I will look at you in a whole new way…for who you really are…at your core.

Today is a new day. Today I will live from my heart. I will feel. I will be. I will learn to trust. I will love. But even more, I will be. Just be.

No pretty pictures today. =)

Tomorrow, maybe. =)

Love me some city pics.

Love the vibrant colors, magnificent structures, heavy textures, diversity of faces and life styles, the fast paced vibe, and almost a rawness that is found in a location with so many, many people.

It’s fascinating.

Someday I am going to take a day, go to the big city, and watch. Just watch people. Maybe read on a bench. And eat at one of the little cafes. Sip on coffee.

Someday. =)

Spent the day with the good gals Kelly and Nicola!

It was a wet day. Rained and rained. But you know what….wet days in the city are fun.

We had a purpose for going….other than taking in the sights and sounds. A flash class at Adorama.

Pizza from a tiny pizza shop was a perfect dinner. Some of the best broccoli pizza ever.  I learned all about flash. And I finally invested in a case big enough for all my gear.

It was a good day.

A guy, guy. If you know what I mean.

The red jeep is his beater vehicle…as in drive in the meadow and through the creek.

Something I like about this photo…it seems to “fit” Jaden. Taken on the home farm…

Let me share a few of Jaden.

as a six or four year old boy usually involves creatures. At least here it does.

Often it is crayfish…as many as a dozen will be caught in one afternoon. Yesterday it was this poor frog. Fireflies last night.

Occasionally a water snake. An absolute yuck. Thanks goodness snakes remain untouched…unless my little brother is over.

The creek running behind our house has proved to be way more entertaining than their toy trucks and blocks.

Cut-off, frayed shorts that were last year’s jeans. Muddy feet. Mosquito bites.

‘Tis summer at it’s finest.

You know when something makes your heart throb? When you know it is for real? When you know it is part of your very core?

When it’s undeniable? When you know, just know…. you were created to be this, love this, do this?

For myself, this is a number of things.

To mention a few….creating beauty, loving fresh air and rainy days, sharing daily life with friends, enjoying good food =)…

And being a mother. My mother made such an impact on who I am today. She played a huge role in my life. I would love to call her today and share the news. But I think she knows.

Late this fall I will be mother of three. =)

Being a mother is at the core of who I am. It makes me feel complete, I think.

Loving being pregnant? Nah, not especially. =) Excited to meet “new baby”? Absolutely!

Happiness is strawberries just picked…still warm from the sun. Happiness is laundry dancing in the breeze.

It’s official….summer has arrived.

Last week I had the opportunity to take in the Fast Track Photographer Workshop hosted Dane Sanders.

Life changing? Pushing it….maybe, but not really….I think the other attendees would agree.

A pivotal point for my life and business? Yup. Inspiring? Definitely!

I learned so much about myself. I Learned so much about people.

“The way to be ultimately respected is to be uniquely myself.”

“As a human, I am not what I do, what I have, or what people say about me.”

“Go for who I am…not for what works”

“The process may be painful”

“Think like a CEO, not a photographer”

“We are always an invitation…what invitation am I?”

“Invite…connect”

“Opportunities pass”

New friends! Loved that we could meet and form friendships so quickly.

Dane Sander’s ability to meet a person where they were at, affirm, no judgment involved…made such an impact on me.

This allowed and encouraged a person to truly be honest with themselves without the need to feel defensive.

He encouraged us to push ourselves, take a step back and look at the big picture of our business, and be true to ourselves.

And the whole group! The motto: We are for each other!

“Breaking through” was a point made…thus the jumping and breaking through shot! Smile.

It was a good week. I was blessed in so many ways. I walked away with so much more than I anticipated receiving.

It is called “towel dry by daddy” after bath.

Whenever I have a tough day, Adler always gives me a reason to smile.

He loves to snuggle close, gives me kisses on my nose, and says “I love you.”

Thing is, it comes out….”I ove uuuu” and it melts my heart.

1000 times over.

When I forget, moments like this remind me…I am blessed.

Today happiness is…

1. The JCrew magazine that showed up in my mailbox. Spring inspiration at it finest.

2. Springtime. Nuff said.

3. Fresh salsa that makes the canned salsa run and hide. Love this stuff. Lime juice, onions, peppers, cilantro and more all tumbled together. Don’t feel like chopping and dicing? Me neither. Head to the fresh produce area in your grocery store.

4. Berry tea. Berry goodness in a mug. Add a teaspoon of honey. This and emailing have been going hand in hand recently.

Just because. This is happiness for today at least. Smile.

Spring is coming, right?

It was a wet, cold weekend here. Not very many signs of life outside. But this lilac bud and daffodil bulb are promising….soon.

These brave plants deserve recognition, I think. Simplicity at it’s best. Always faithful. I felt impelled to grab a photo. And they made me feel happy and hopeful. Smile.